Vulnerablity will Set You Free 🦋 - ( A personal story)

If you have ever struggled with anxiety or the web of perfectionism I hope that my story shared today helps you in your life.

This episode was a free flow on my patio with the birds and all of the trees and flowers surrounding me. I wasn't sure what exactly would come out, but I am so happy with the result.

I hope you enjoy this chat about the catalyst that helped me swap my perfectionism, and anxious thoughts with acceptance and so much peace.

I am grateful for all of the life lessons that bless me each day and the beauty I see in it all. And I'm so grateful to have this podcast to share it. Thank you for being a loyal listener and friend. <3 I appreciate you.


Resources shared in todays episode:

Podcast episode  : Transformation w/ Jordan Best on Happiness Rocks Podcast

Song: Set Yourself Free
P.S. Listen live in Moncton on Friday, July 19th Here is the event page.

Podcast sponsor:

Eric Sénéchal , Rejuvenate Hope with Pulsors

“Quantum physics energy healing goes beyond traditional methods to address the root causes of imbalance on a quantum level with Pulsors. Whether you're seeking relief from physical pain, emotional trauma, or spiritual stagnation, Rejuvenate Hope’s holistic approach offers comprehensive support for your entire being.”

Transcript

0:19

Hey guys, it is 1111. It's a summer's morning. I'm sitting out on my deck and, this is my way of just making myself feel calm and comfortable and collected as I get out of my mind and get into my heart and get this episode out to you. It's been so long since I've recorded an episode and I'm really, I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry to you and I'm also sorry to me. Because I have spent so much time, um, like recording now that I have a home studio, I've been recording episodes and the perfectionist in me, it is never good enough. And that's the thing. When you have your microphone set up at home, If you're not careful, you can just keep trying and trying and deleting and deleting and editing and editing. And what I've started to see is that this is not working for me. My perfectionism is not of my heart. It is not who I am. It is something that I'm choosing to do out of fear, out of self judgment, out of not being good enough, whatever the reasons being. And I'm choosing to be honest about that with you guys because That's the thing is being vulnerable, being open about our strengths and our weaknesses. That is really how we set ourselves free. And um, so yeah, I'm here for that. And I know that you guys are my friends anyways, all of my listeners, it doesn't matter where you're from. I've gotten messages. You know, like we've never actually met, but I feel like every time I hear an episode, it's a friend in my ear. So I want to be a friend to myself and just stop, um, the sabotage and stop the wasting of my precious time with being, um, attached to perfectionism. So thanks for listening to that. I'd also really like to thanks Eric Senechal from Rejuvenate Hope with Pulsers. He is my personal energy healer. He's also, I feel like he's also a coach to me. He is so kind and he meets me where I am and he offers advice without judgment. Unlock your healing potential with quantum physics energy healing with pulsars. Don't wait any longer to unlock the infinite possibilities of quantum healing. Your path to optimal wellness starts here with pulsars. I will have the links to how to book with him in the show notes below. Okay, so earlier when I was talking about the being caught up in perfectionism, this is going on for quite a while, um, but Friday of this past week, Is when I really knew, okay, this is not working anymore. So basically long story short, I, um, I had like spent all morning and early afternoon trying to get my podcast done and it wasn't perfect. So I was editing and reediting and then none of it was good enough for me. And I had a work day and then I had plans to go over to my friend Ryan's for dinner. And, uh, that's what I did. And. After our dinner, I had my first ever anxiety attack, guys, and I have never ever experienced that before in my life. And, uh, it really, it was a strong message to me. It was a very strong message to be lighter on myself. And, um, when I was experiencing that anxiety attack, it was really scary, but it also really showed me just that message of, You can help yourself. You can, like, in the end, when it's only you and, like, I was feeling sick at the time when I had my anxiety attack. It was just like, all of a sudden, I got really hot. I felt nauseous. I felt scared. I almost felt like I was dying, to be honest. I don't get sick often, and this was really weird. It came out of nowhere. The more I thought of it, the worse it got. And my friend gave me an ice cube to hold. And he was like, I've suffered with anxiety attacks before and he was like, if you hold the ice cube, it will distract your mind from overthinking. And, uh, so I held the ice cube and instantly, within a few minutes, I, it helped. And I just, I hope this is not TMI, but I took the ice cube and I just, I kind of was like talking to myself and rubbing it on, on my, my body. And I was just like, if you need to be sick, we will do this together. Like I had just eaten this big, beautiful meal. I really didn't want to be sick. Like, um, and it was just kind of like, I was scared. I was alone. I felt like I was alone. I felt like I just, it felt like the end. And, um, anyways. I connected with my breathing. I noticed all of the things I could notice that kept me grounded. Like, okay, I feel wind. I hear that sound. Um, I am here. I'm safe. My friend has me. Everything is fine. But that experience really, really showed me that I need to stop pushing and I really do love taking my own experiences, my own stuff and sharing it with people because I always feel like I see lessons in it. And, uh, that was the lesson I had. It was basically that I need to stop overdoing it. And also that I am never alone. I always have myself and that I can always be home in myself no matter what. is thrown my way. I can always take care of myself to the best of my ability through grounding myself and doing what needs to be done. And then thirdly, it really showed me that all of the plans that I always say yes to, I need to tone that back a little bit and I need to be more in flow with how am I feeling in this moment. And I'm good at that often, but this was a particular week where I had something. like either before or after work, um, every day. And also I had the podcast looming over my mind. Like I need to put out a podcast. People are waiting on me. My sponsor is waiting on me. This is so not professional. I'm really overthinking like. almost paralyzed in the idea of like, okay, I not only am in my sabotage, I am not only like promising to have podcasts out and breaking those promises and self sabotaging. I felt like I was doing it on a really big stage. Like my word has always been law until I had a burnout and my burnout happened about three years ago and there was a lot that happened in that time and I went through a lot of deep hard things. And, uh, I don't think I'd change it now. I don't think I'd change it now. The lessons that I gained from that, the self love that I gained from that, even though it was so hard. And that's another thing. It's like, how much of your story do you want to share? How much of your story do you want to share on a microphone for all to hear? And I ran into my friend Jordan Best the other day. He's been on the podcast before. Um, he wrote the song, set yourself free. And I just loved that song. Um, we did a whole episode on it, a whole episode on how he overcame so much and that song and everything. It's a very powerful episode. Um, so if you want to go back and listen to that, please do. I can also link that in the show notes. But when I talked to him, he was like, what's up with the podcast? Like, are you still pumping them out? I haven't heard lately. And I told him, I said, I just, I'm stuck in that. How vulnerable am I going to go? How much am I going to share? It's like all of a sudden I just realized, Oh my gosh, I share a lot of who I am on this microphone. And who knows who has heard it. Sometimes when I go into public places now, a lot of people recognize me and I love that, but it, I also don't love that because it makes me kind of feel very vulnerable and like, okay, who has heard what I talk about? And then being called to share deeper with my self love and sanctuary. That is the goal is to go back to self love and sanctuary. And in fact, maybe I'll just upload that to self love and sanctuary as well today. But with that, it's like that is going to be more solo shows just about my life in general. And all the little lessons learned. So, but Jordan said to me, he's like, Steph, I, I know where you're coming from, but in life as a whole, being vulnerable, showing your imperfections, that is how you set yourself free. And I just was like, wow, I needed to hear that. And I just gave him a big hug. And I said, thank you so much. And that was right after me and my friend Joe had. watched the fireworks and I had never really been a big firework person. But I, I said to Joe, I was like, what if every firework that goes off, we think of how we want to feel this year. And we just feel that and make that wish. So I asked her, I was like, what is your word? And she was like, what is yours? And I was like, I thought about it. And I was like, it's peace. My word is peace. So these pink fireworks were just going off in the sky and we were just like putting our hands up and going peace, peace, peace, peace, peace, peace. That's all we want. And then we would talk about, um, like we just say things that bring us peace, like a happy home. Um, a love that feels harmonious, a love that is harmonious. Laughter, travel, fun, peace, peace, peace, ease, you know, and that was pretty great. So anyways, to just see Jordan right after that and how him say like, vulnerability is how you set yourself free. I totally agree. And then also, I must say. I have some YouTubers that I watch that I just love. I think I've mentioned a few times how I've noticed that they're also in this little bit of a rut that I'm in of not really producing content. being more inward, loving life, experiencing life, but being a little bit shy all of a sudden with the vulnerability. So I'm wondering if maybe this is something that is linked with the energies of the cosmos right now. It's very possible. Collectively, we all feel a lot of the same things. It also might be linked with how the world has been going through a lot of shadow. You know, so it may be hard for us to just come and talk about happiness or self care or self love when so many people are hurting out there. But one thing I do know is that my message is, how can we create home and peace wherever we are with whatever is going on around us? And yes, one of the ways I do that is to seek beauty every day. And even if everything fell apart, um, If I didn't have my home anymore, I say the mountains fell down, say the earth crumbled, but there were still people around. I could see the beauty in their eyes or I could see the beauty in their hearts. So I'm saying, yes, I'd love to concentrate on beauty and life and how can we make it more magical? And I think that that is something that can be with me regardless of what is going on around me. Like, similar to that anxiety attack I had the other night, even though it was such a friggin scary experience where I felt so sick and so out of control, the beauty was how I found myself and how I grounded myself and took care of myself and within about five or ten minutes, regained my groundedness again. So, I guess that is, as you are my loyal listener, that is my question to you. What are the pains in your life, the experiences in your life that have been so hard that you can alchemize and see the beauty in and see the lesson in? And I really do also something I'm really realizing after these past three years of really Having so many wonderful, beautiful, grounded moments, but also at the same time working on my own through some really deep, heavy things that it's like All of it has simply given me wisdom and experience and understanding. And now with this fresh anxiety attack that I had, I honestly don't feel like I'm going to get them anymore. Maybe I will, but I almost feel like it was like I mastered it in the act. And I now know how to help other people when they're in the act. So I'm almost grateful for it. I don't know. I am grateful for it. I know that might sound twisted. So, there's a part two to that. So, that was on the Friday night. Then, Saturday, my plan was to go and, okay, my plan was to spend some quality time with my family. My mom and my dad, they're, um, One of their love languages is acts of service and also quality time. So I really wanted to dedicate my Saturday to them. I love them with my whole heart. I'm very lucky to have people like them as my parents. Um, they say that you choose your family before you get here. I chose a really great one. Um, and I, I understand that many people don't have that and So, I hope that you can create that in your own life with the soul family that you choose in your life or the parent that you are to your children in your life. But anyways, so, we have this beach trailer that is the family trailer with the little bunkhouse on the beach. They were renting it out for Airbnb. So I had plans to help them get that ready for the Airbnb, do the cleaning, changing beds, all that stuff, taking stuff out of the fridge, all that stuff that you do when you're preparing for a vacation rental. And then, but before that, my plan was that we would go yard sailing together. They would pick me up and we just hit all the yard sales down here. So that was the plan, but I had that. anxiety attack on Friday night. Um, and that happened at around like 11. So it was like, okay, I can't be doing the yard sale in early in the morning. So in the morning, I just texted my parents and I said, I'm going to, I'm going to not do the yard sailing, but I'm still going to come help you with the trailer. And when I got there, I told them about what happened and all that. And, uh, we, we, we did our thing. We had a good little day and then I went home and I rested and the next day I was going to take off. But then the next day was holiday Monday and I had this cottage party I was supposed to go to and it was like water gun fights outside. It was like a whole day of games outside, like running around and I mean that might sound super fun to you and maybe to me it would be but Where I had just felt what I was feeling, it was like that I do not want to be in a one bedroom cottage sleeping overnight, camping out in my car, playing these active games, socializing with not a lot of space to go and be on my own. I knew in my heart and soul, I can't do that. If I go and do that, I will be doing the opposite of what my body told me on Friday night. I will be pushing myself into an experience that I don't want to be in, and I may not be safe, because if you're going against what your body is clearly telling you that you need in the moment, um, well, you're asking for it, really. When we ignore intuition and our knowingness out of, well, I said I would go, that's when the bad stuff will happen. I do want to mention this point, though. If you are cancelling plans out of fear of like, oh, I don't know, it's like I'm not, I don't know if I'll fit in or I don't know what to wear or stuff like that. If it's anxiety about socializing and if you choose to not do it, it might Be a vicious spiral. That's what I have heard of people who have anxiety. If they're not careful, it becomes a vicious spiral of you saying no all the time, and then you're stuck in your own spiral. So I knew clearly that that wasn't what it was. I knew that I was simply making this choice for my, my love of myself, the clear need that I needed to rest. I said I would go. Um, the last party I bailed on, I don't want to come across as a flake, blah, blah, blah. But I, I canceled anyway out of self love. So I sent a voice memo to the hosts of the party and I just said, Hey guys, thank you so much for the invite. I know that there is so much that goes into planning a party and you know, I'm just gonna have to pass on this one. I'm feeling really introverted. I cannot even see my energy there. Like I, I just can't do with this weekend, but please do keep me in your heart. Any other party I, I plan to be very, you know, social this summer. So if there's another party that comes up, please invite me in. They were totally cool. Totally understanding. And, uh, so then what I did was I decided to just take a day for me. And I went on this coastal drive with the leftover yard sale goodies that I had in my trunk, some really nice stuff, some like home decor and stuff like that. I've always been a bit of a decorator. I really love creating sacred space at home and I just had too much stuff for my small little place. I realized less is more. So after the yard sale, it was like, I really don't want to bring all this stuff back in my house. So I loaded up my trunk. And I went on a coastal drive, and I hit up the little shops along the way, popping my trunk, seeing if they wanted to purchase any of my stuff for their shop, and what was cool was, it was almost like, um, a bartering system, so I would go to these shops, and I would trade things, it was so cool, so now I have some really cool things that, yes, I know I still have stuff, but, Yeah, I got some new little things like a bird feeder for outside. I got a cute little, um, pottery pitcher. It's, it's so beautiful. I don't need to go into this, but I got a sun catcher, just things that are really aligned with me and my lifestyle. And it felt really fun. One of the boutiques I went to, she has this place right on the water and her home is so beautiful. And I've always dreamed of seeing the inside of her home. And she was like, would you like to come for a tour in my house? She just offered. So I went for a tour. She showed me where she drinks her morning coffee right on the water, um, how she goes to sleep. At night with a whole wall full of windows looking out onto the ocean. She told me the story of the house and how her husband and her built their business there and how they started from, um, nothing to building this beautiful. Beautiful spot. And it was just really nice. We had some deep conversations and, uh, then on my way back, I'm driving the coastal road still again, this was in Buktush and, uh, I saw a sign for strawberry Yupik and I thought, well, that would be fun. Let me do that. So I pulled in. I asked how it worked. They said, if you have a bowl, I said, Oh, I definitely have a bowl. I have a trunk full because I had just been selling things out of my trunk. So I grabbed my bowl and I go into the strawberry fields. And it's evening, it's like 4. 30 or 5 at this time. And so all of the early morning A type people have already been there. The afternoon beating sun would not be the time to do it. I'm there in the early evening where the sun is starting to go further from the fields. So there's parts where it's shadow, and I'm picking the berries in the shadow. And, and just, you know, Hearing the birch trees rustling so beautifully, it's so peaceful out there. The strawberries, there's so many big, beautiful, bright red strawberries. Picking them, just thinking, wow, this is like therapy to me. This is like therapy to me. As somebody who is very much in her mind. Like the day before I was spending the whole day thinking, Oh, should I cancel that party or should I go? Should I cancel that party or should I go? And this day was the opposite because I, I took time for me. I did things that were really good for my soul. And like, as I said, it's like therapy, picking your berries. There's really, you're just, there's nothing to do, but. pick the berries and even just the process of which ones you're picking when everything is so abundant and I guess you just have to be there. I guess what I'm saying is if you live near a you pick, go for an evening stroll in the berries with your bucket and really just ground into the experience. I have another episode that I'm doing next week on summer. I really thought that this one would be on summer, but as I started talking, this just flew out of my mouth. So I guess I'm listening to my friend Jordan. I am letting myself be vulnerable and just talk about the real truth of what happened to me last week and how I alchemized it. And I'm just so grateful that we are have a support that is always there and it lives in our heart. That is where peace lives. So for this week, I wish you so much peace, peace, peace, wonderful peace. My mother prayed that to me for me one day when I was sharing a little bit about one of the really heavy things I had gone through. a few years ago and that prayer has really worked and I see peace in my life in so many ways and I really do wish the same for you. So I love you guys and I'm grateful that you are always here. And, yeah, let's end with thanking Eric Senechal of Rejuvenate Hope with Pulsers. He will be very happy to hear that I finally got an episode out. He has been nothing but understanding and that says a lot about the man that he is. Um, I can't say enough about Eric. He is a wonderful man and that's the thing when you're going to see energy healers, to know and trust. the person you're working with is a really big deal. Quantum physics energy healing goes beyond traditional methods to address the root causes of imbalance on a quantum level with pulsars. Whether you're seeking relief from physical pain, emotional trauma, or spiritual stagnation, Rejuvenate Hope's holistic approach offers comprehensive support for your entire being. Thank you so much, Eric. I'll have the links in the show notes if you'd like to book with him. Okay, bye bye. I will release Perfectionism and have another episode out next week.